Chaotic collection of haphazard collisions anyone?

I went to my first rugby game on Sunday. As anyone who knows me well can tell you, I am not a sports fan. Especially violent team sports. But my friend reminds me that there will be some cute guys playing, so I decide to give it a go.

Before heading out, I take a quick look at the Rugby for Dummies website. The explanation is ominous:

For the first time rugby player or viewer, the sport can appear to be a chaotic collection of indecipherable movements and haphazard collisions. In reality, rugby is highly technical and organized with specific laws governing all aspects of play. 

With the strange words scrum, lineout, maul and ruck swimming through my brain, I dab sunscreen on my nose, take a deep breath and head for le stade in the neighboring village of Castillonnes.

Luckily for this novice, I am accompanied by friends who are fully knowledgeable about the game, meaning they only are confused some of the time.

Also, through the magic of audition de la superpuissance (superpower hearing), I am able to hear and understand what the players on the field are saying.

Pierre is bringing the buns. Jean Paul said he'd
pick up the hot dogs. I'm bringing the potato salad.
Now, who's bringing the beer?

Last one to the end zone is a scrum rucker!

Please don't step on my head! Please don't step
on my head! Are they gone yet, Antoine?

Thanks for helping me look for my contact lens,
guys. My mom said she'd kill me if I lost another one.

Hey, that tickles!

You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out,
you put your right foot in and you shake it all about...